me: hey i just met you..
stranger: *walks away*
me: now you're just somebody that i used to know
mom: what time did you go to bed last night?
me: that information is confidential
Youre an ass and I should have never even given...
pe teacher: you got a horrible time on the mile
me: it does not matter how slow you go as long as you do not stop
someone: have you seen this movie?
me: no but i've seen gifs
one time i said hello to this christian girl and she looked at me and said “id prefer it if youd say hecklo”
Parents: Who are you texting?
Parents: Who are you calling?
Parents: Who are you chatting with?
Me: Jake from State Farm
someone at the door: rings doorbell
me: dives to the floor like I'm being shot at, army crawls around the couch, rolls into another room, peeks around a corner to see if I can tell who it is, and then proceeds to wait for them to leave.